Post-turkey viewpoints

Unlike most, I am not a fan of the almighty Turkey Day -- never have been, probably never will be. While I can muster up a good "thankful" speech, I can't quite stomach some of the foods laid out on the Thanksgiving table.

I have always been a picky eater, but Thanksgiving takes the cake for me. There is a vast array of textures -- most of them not fit for a ... turkey. Mashed yams are orange, sugary and chunky. Stuffing is wet, sloppy and resembles celery-laced vomit. Jello salad is slick with Cool-Whip and crunchy with apple slices.

Most of my least favorite Thanksgiving foods contain some slimy, sloppy element and a crunchy element that puts them on an even keel with tuna salad with nuts and celery -- my least favorite surprise when getting ready to enjoy a tuna salad sandwich. It's guaranteed to tease my gag reflex.

Does anyone actually enjoy cranberry sauce?

It's a veritable day of food torture. It's like an experiment in trying to keep me from upchucking on the chucked up decor. I still feel ill.

When it comes to Thanksgiving, there are a few foods that I cling to for texture salvation. But even those foods can give me a bit of trouble. I can stomach turkey, as long as it's not dry or gamey. If I get one strand of fat, that bird is going back on the plate. There are two can't-miss foods that I gravitate toward with feverish delight. They are both colorless foods that appear on normal-day dinner tables all over the country. Pass the mashed potatoes: fluffy, (hopefully) smooth and relatively safe. It's rare that a potato will give you heartburn. However, hold the gravy. While I can make a mean flour/dripping gravy, I would rather not even spot it across from me on a buffet table. There's nothing like fat and flour to add flavor to an already, preferably, flavorless dish.

I can always choke down a number of biscuits, slices of bread and a little butter. That, in fact, is the salvage of many a Thanksgiving meal.